dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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