Grow some girl-balls and come out already
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
