I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
