The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
