Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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