Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
