my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
