Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
