I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
