He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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