Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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