...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
