Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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