I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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