plz talk dirty to me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize