East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize