porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
