Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
