My brain says no but my pants say off.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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