RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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