Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
