Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
