my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
