I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
