my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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