Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
