Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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