I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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