Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
