so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
