Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
