You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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