You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
