all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
