No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
