So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
