I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
