make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
