Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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