I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
