I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
