That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
