My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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