Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
