Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
