whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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