I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
