I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
