my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
That's when you crack a 10am beer
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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