So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
