it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
