Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
