u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
