so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
