Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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