dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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