Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Less talking, more tequila
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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