Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
