nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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