Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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